Marriage - A Perspective

I must confess that I was thinking about similar thing for quite sometime. (May be because it is nearly time for me to start this whole exercise) I hate the bad culture of Pelli Chupulu. But I could not find a convincing alternative. I have thought about almost all the options right from KanyaSulka days to VaraKatnam days to Love marriage days. There is no fool proof alternative. It cannot be designed because we have the habit of looking for loophole.

1.KanyaSulka – The man with money will reign. I am really surprised to see that some of us are really following it even today even though in a more sophisticated format. Girls/Parents today are also evaluating the pay packet, fixed assets, depreciating assets etc., before closing in on the man. Even though it does not look as gross as Kanya Sulka, it ultimately means the man with less money will lose out in the game.

2.VaraKatnam – The man sells himself off for money. I hear “I want to marry a girl who is working or an MCA/BTech with 65% above in academics”. I am tempted to ask if it is Varakatnam offer in easy monthly installments.

3.Love marriage – The less I talk about this the better. I am an ardent hater of the word “love”. Every time some one utters this word, I hear “lust” instead.

Vedas are the basis for human (hindu) life and represent how one should get on in the world. This is the ideal side. There were times when people confirmed to it. Marriage is a most important thing in life of any person. The mantras chanted at the time of marriage are nothing but promises made by the couple to ideal life for years to follow and blessings from the elders. It enforces a household discipline. When the bridegroom says “mama”, the priest recites all the mantras for him. (It means on behalf of him the priest is making the promises) And honestly not many understand what promises are made at that time. We are busy in waving hands to friends or things about honeymoon plans.

King Janaka when giving his daughter Sita to Lord Rama said “Iyam Sita mama Suta Saha Dharma charitava”. (Please take my daughter Sita to follow you in Dharma as wife) Here he talked about Dharma but not Artha, Kama or Moksha. If you follow Dharma, all three follow. If you follow Kama ignoring Dharma, you can never achieve Moksha. (Mokha is state where you need not take a rebirth to face problems of the world) That’s why wife is called Dharma Patni rather than Kama patni.

Who wants to live in an ideal world? We can make practical amends to them without compromising the underlying ground rules. One may say that wife & husband should be like friends and is the practical side of it. But it is as well said in vedas. (One step in Saptapadi is for ever lasting friendship) Role of wife in progeny’s prosperity is evident. There is no Chatrapati Sivaji if Jijiabhai is not his mother and we would have never heard of Swamy Vivekananda if Bhuvaneswari Devi is not his mother.

Unless people understand this there cannot be a permanent solution. If I can convince my parents on all decisions of my life, I don’t see why I cannot convince them abt dowry. (unless there is reluctance to convince)

As concluding word I would want to reemphasize that Marriage is not business, it should be understood by both man and woman.