Women employment -- My views

Disclaimer: The views expressed are purely my own and have no intent of getting in to any (never ending) argument of whether they are right or wrong.

People who know me from close quarters (which includes my wife and sister) tend to think of me as a staunch critic of women employment. My constant opposition to their personal situations when ever they were planning to get into employment could be the reason. Also usually people generalize the particular situation they see, putting behind the specific details. So wanted to put my thoughts together.

I am for it :

1. When the women doing the job is absolute essential to make both ends meet. With current inflation levels and the cost living, the bread earning is getting tougher for the head of the family when there are more mouths to feed and more requests to cater to. Women stepping forward to share the responsibility is a welcome move.

2. When a woman is specialist/skilled in a particular field and wants to build a career in that field and make a mark both to herself in particular and the society in general. We would not have heard of kalpana Chawla if she confined herself to house.

3. When a woman wants to take a less engaging job to make her spare time to productive use. Her job could mean self employment as well.

4. When there are dependent parents for the woman who needs to be looked after. Now-a-days, girls are being raised the same way as boys by parents, providing them with quality education. In such a case it is not unreasonable expectation that if the girls parents are in finacial doldrum, girl stepping up and contributing to them from her salary. (like the way boy does take care of his parents)

I am not so for it:

1. When a woman wants to take up "a job", just because all her other friends are doing a job. This I mark as peer pressure job or self inflicted pressure job.

2. When she wants to add to the 7/8 digit salary her husband is drawing, esp when she wants/needs to relocate to place away from family to earn that extra buck. This is just greed and there will be no end to this. There are many compromises one has to make on family side to earn that little extra buck like unattended children left to day cares, lack of time together for the couple themselves as both are tired at the end of every work day.

3. Financial freedom. Well I have a mixed stand here. I assume the couple united in holy matrimony are adequately close to have control/access to partners financial assets. I am not denying that practically the earning member might have a bigger say in financial decisions. But I would prefer to think that both converge and agree up on a particular decision. Personally my reaction is same if my wife gifts me a wrist watch using the money she saved from household budget or from the money she
earned by herself. Pleasure lies in the fact that she gifted it than thinking of "whose" money it is. :-)

There can be many more scenarios but I just wrote what came to my mind at the moment. To me understanding "why" is starting point and I do hold an orthodox view that if there is no need for a certain lady to hold a job (apart from peer pressure or self inflicted pressure), I would instead prefer that job to go to needy person which can help him/her support the family.

Premarital Sex - My View

Not usually I try to touch up on topics that are controversial in nature but here I go with one that easily attracts criticism. Just as I always believed, like every one else I had my own right to hold and express my views. Thank God Government did not reduce the age limit for sex by mutual consent. If it had, what it eventually means is the governing body itself encouraging premarital sex legally as marriageable age is 18years. Even today I think premarital sex is not a crime from legal point of view but from ethical stand point it surely is.

1. Youth can easily get carried away thinking they found right person and engage in sex only to repent later that they did commit a mistake. Any person with  conscience will regret for life the mistake done.
2. It is a clear case of cheating spouse if the person fails to marry the one with whom he/she had premarital sex. It is not easy trauma to go through when person discovers that his/her has cheated her/him and usually these things are concealed during marriage.
3. The indulgence can sometimes lead to blackmails at later point time and thus shattering future life for sake few minutes of physical pleasure.
4. There are innumerable sadists in the world who secretly record the intercourse and circulate it on the internet. Thousands (if not lakhs) of MMS scandals uploaded in internet are evidence of just that. This turns the intercourse from a private affair to public entertainment.
5. There is a risk to marriage life of indulgence in premarital affair with a person who is not your spouse. It can lead to many consequences like divorce, unsatisfactory marriage full of quarrels, or even at times suicides by the victim or person indulged in premarital. 

Irony of this entire situation lies in the fact that we had a generation of social reformers who opposed child marriages and now we have a new generation reformers who want the age limit for sex by mutual consent must be reduced.

Yama Niyamas

This is a share froma website I have recently got a chance to read. Courtesy about.com\hinduism

Yamas or Restraints or Don't




1. The first restraint, Noninjury (ahimsa) - not injuring or harming others by thought, word, or deed.

2. The second restraint, Truthfulness (Satya) - refraining from lying and betraying promises

3. The third restraint, Nonstealing (asteya) - neither stealing nor coveting nor entering into debt

4. The fourth restraint, Sexual Purity (brahmacharya) - divine conduct, controlling lust by remaining celibate when single leading to faithfulness in marriage.

5. The fifth restraint, Patience (kshama) - restraining intolerance with people and impatience with circumstances.

6. The sixth restraint, Steadfastness (dhriti) - overcoming non-perseverance, fear, indecision, inconstancy and changeableness.

7. The seventh restraint, Compassion (daya) - conquering callous, cruel and insensitive feelings toward all beings.

8. The eighth restraint, Honesty (arjava) - straightforwardness, renouncing deception and wrongdoing.

9. The ninth restraint, Moderate Diet (mitahara) - neither eating too much nor consuming meat, fish, fowl or eggs.

10. The tenth restraint, Purity (saucha) - avoiding impurity in body, mind and speech.





Niyamas or Observances or Do's



1. The first observance, Remorse and Modesty (hri) - being modest and showing shame for misdeeds.

2. The second observance, Contentment (santosha) - seeking joy and serenity in life

3. The third observance, Giving or charity (dana) - giving generously without thought of reward.

4. The fourth observance, Faith (astikya) - believing firmly in god, gods, guru and the path to enlightenment

5. The fifth observance, Worship of the Lord (Ishvarapujana) - the cultivation of devotion through daily worship and meditation.

6. The sixth observance, Scriptural Listening (siddhanta sravana) - studying the teachings and listening to the wise of one's lineage.

7. The seventh observance, Cognition (mati) - developing a spiritual will and intellect with the guru's guidance

8. The eighth observance, Sacred Vows (vrata) - fulfilling religious vows, rules and observances faithfully

9. The Ninth Observance, Recitation or Incantation (japa) - chanting mantras daily

10. The tenth observance, Austerity and Sacrifice (tapas) - performing sadhana, penance, tapas, and sacrifice.

Seethayascharitham Mahat:

While writing Ramayana Sage Valmiki has written as it is story of greatest saadhvi Seetha and it contains killing of Paulastya ie., Ravana. Seetha displays exemplary character and shows the way for women of the generations on how to carry one self. This writeup is just an effort to give a glimpse of it with the small little knowledge I have of Ramayana.

Scenario1: Seetha’s Marriage:

Like lot of us misunderstand Seetha’s marriage is not Svayamvara where she has chosen Rama to be her husband. It is King Janaka, Seetha’s father who has announced Seetha as Veeryasulk ie., to get Seetha’s hand as prize for being able to handle Siva’s bow. The moment Rama has done the feat, she is declared as wife of Rama. Rama may be superior prince at that time who is handsome, strong, educated, and rich but Valmiki writes down in Ramayana that Seetha did not love Rama for the above qualities. She just loved him because of only reason that he is her husband.

Scenario2: Rama’s journey to forests:

Seetha’s husband, Rama who is destined to become next king has been instructed to go to forests for long duration of 14 years and to lead life like a sage.

Aspect1: Seetha did not utter any word of displeasure to Rama when his cards are down and has relinquished thrown to travel to dangerous forests. It may be easy to love husband when he is having time of life but how many women do not utter a word of insult when husband’s chips are down? This is what she has to shown to the world on beahviour.

Aspect2: Rama was asked to leave to forest and he has recommended Seetha to stay in the kingdom until he returns. In the choice between struggles of forest and comforts of stayin in palace, Seetha chose the former to stick with her husband during tough times and give him comfort of her company.

Scenario3: Ravana’s torture:

Seetha was kept in Asoka vana and Ravana and his rakshasa guards kept torturing her with words regularly. She has a choice between keeping faith in Rama to comeback and succumb to persuations of Ravana. Ravana’s offer looks tempting to any ordinary women as he has promised her power, luxuries and sense gratification where as Rama’s comeback has lot of elements of doubt associated with like whether he will be able to locate where Seetha is, whether he will be able to gain victory over Rakshasas and their King Ravana. But Seetha showed extrodinary grit and refused Ravana asserting firm belief in her husband.

Scenario4: Hanuma’s offer:

When Seetha was frustrated by the torture being subjected by Ravana, she found relief in the form of Hanuma who has informed her that Rama is safe and will be coming in search of her. At this point in order to relieve her of the torture Hanuma gave her an offer that he will take her at once back to her husband. Seetha simply declined it citing many reasons like she might fall in sea while Hanuma was fighting Rakshasa’s or Hanuma might have to face lot Rakshasa’s challenges while taking her etc., But the major reson she cited was she does not want to touch any other Purusha apart from her husband while in full consciousness. Will there be any other women who in such situation decline the offer holding up pativrata Dharma?

Scenario5: Rama’s Dharma:

Seetha is the wife who has understood her husband Rama thoroughly and his Dharma Vrata. Two occasions Rama was and is continuously under criticism that he has made a mistake testing seetha’s chastity through Agni Pariksha and sending her to Valmiki Ashrama. But on both occasions too Seetha did not make Rama any blame as she knows Rama stands by Dharma and Dharma Sukhma is so difficult for other folks to comprehend. Seetha did not blame Rama on these two occasions or run for support to other people, instead she silently obeyed what her husband asked her to do.She did not question Rama's Dharma despite being at receiving end even though rest of the world questioned it.

Selfishness

Every one in the word has selfishness to some extent or other. Selfless people are very rare to find on this planet. Then what is the big deal about being selfish for a human?

The highest kind of people are the ones who are willing to sacrifice their selfish deals for higher morals or universal benefit or fellow beings. King Sibi who has torn himself into pieces to save life of a pigeon is an example of selfless individual. Similar is the case of King Ranthideva who parts with one meal that he gets after a gap of 48 days to satiate the hunger of poor beggar. Sage Dhadhichi also falls into similar for the way he sacrificed his life to give a weapon that can do universal benefit by helping Indra kill Rakshasa Vrutasura.

The average kind of people are the ones who help others after they, their families and near & dear have been looked after well. These are available in moderate mass in today’s context, These people do not go out of the way to help others but will try to help others based on convenience.

The worst kind of people are the ones who do not hesitate to ruin others life for selfish benefit of their own. They do not have even remorse that they screwed up life of other in order to get their selfish benefit and are available in today’s world in huge numbers.

Dhrutarastra

Some might be wondering why my attention suddenly turned from an ideal King Janaka to King Dhrutarastra. I can assure you up front I am no fan of Kauravas like some movie director who names his movies after them. Few reasons why I am choosing this topic is

a) Dhrutarastra as a parent is someone who can teach us how not to be
b) As mentioned in one discourse by Malladi Chandra Sekhara Sastry garu we see so many parents who resemble Dhrutarastra by nature.
c) As Galileo famously quoted “I have never met a person in my life who is so ignorant that I cannot a learn anything from him” Similarly to inspect one positive trait of Dhrutarastra


Dhrutarastra is a striking example for a person who lost all his sons because he failed to admonish/abandon one bad son. He is an example of how excessive love for kids and not curtailing their cruel deeds can lead to complete destruction.

1. Dhrutarastra is an example for inferior complex and jealousy for his younger brother. His jealousy started from the time when his younger brother was given the throne ahead of him for the natural disability he has got. Instead of understanding the practical realities, he developed jealousy towards his dharmic and obedient brother. The same jealousy he passed on to his off springs as well.

2. Dhrutarastra knows very well of the bad deeds his sons are committing under direction of Duryadhana towards Dharmic Pandavas. He failed to punish his son and curtail his bad agenda against Pandavas out of excessive love he had for Duryodhana. He failed to realize the long term perspective that for sake of one son, he is losing entire bunch of hundred sons.

3. Dhrutarastra showed wickedness towards Pandavas and deliberately on his own assent went on to create troubles for pandavas. Despite the fact that Pandavas especially Dharmaraj have treated him with fatherly affection, he wanted their downfall. He is an example of a snake who is nurtured by delicious milk will still went out poison. We see so many people like this in today’s world, who try to damage persons who have done a favor to them.

4. Dhrutarastra paid no deserving attention to good sayings from elders like Bhisma, Drona, Krupa, Vidura and Sanjaya. Had he not turned deaf ears to these people he would have stopped the calamity of total destruction that came in the form of Kurukshetra war. As Maricha told Ravana in Ramayana, “It is difficult to find person who says good things and the prson who listens to these good things” It hold good even today where for sake ego satisfaction, we turn deaf ears to good things wise and/or elderly people say and eventually bring up our own problems in the long run.

5. Only good thing I can tell about Dhrutarastra is that all through his deeds he knew very well that he is doing bad deeds. Also he does get neither defensive nor aggressive (like most of us) when questioned about these deeds. He also voluntarily seeks verbal battering from his friends like Vidura and Sanjaya to get some mental relief from papa karmas he is committing. This is unlike some of us who try to do justify our actions and resort to vitarka or kutarka (irrational justification)

Frustration

Am I living? Or Is life just passing by? I tried to ask myself. I had no evident answer with me. Every person has his or her own dreams in life that one would live to realize them. But what would a person do if the dream is cut short in the beginning itself with no mistake of his? What if a plain question like above finds no easy to digest answer to one?

Dreams surely are going to be multi and not every person would be able to realize all of them. Not difficult to comprehend. But there would be a most important dream, with out which one’s own purpose of existence becomes pointless. How to react when one has that dream shattered in front of his eyes by sins committed by others? To make the matter worst the rest of the dreams take a cascading effect and begin to fall apart in front of one’s eyes, how should one react?

Never before I had known that certain types of sins exist. Never before I had known that sinners, instead of feeling ashamed of their sinful acts try to pretend that sin it self does not exist or even worse it is no sin at all. Never had I any need to confront a situation where every right deed is being questioned for selfish motives. Never before I had felt so helpless in life that my life is nothing but over because I have no more say in my life and is being controlled by someone who has no right to claim any authority on my life.

Selfishness is all pervading in the world. But never I had any hint that people do not hesitate to spoil another innocent person’s life for making their life good. They do not even question themselves even once, do they deserve the life they want to create at the cost of other innocent man? Or does the innocent man really deserves the punishment they are forcefully enforcing? I is hard to comprehend that people show no remorse what so ever for the sin committed.

Is God really present? If He is, then what is the rationale for an innocent man to suffer for sins committed by people who have no basic ethics in life while unethical people go on to enjoy sensual pleasures in life? What logic does He present for the torture innocent person is put through for no direct mistake of his?